Desiring Weird

I’ve come to a revelation this month. It’s not a brand new idea for my mind. In fact, if you’re a friend of mine you’ve probably heard me say this before: I’m weird. i.e. unnatural, odd, bizarrre, freaky, unearthly, and not normal.

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I’m not a shy person – goodness, no! – so I’m not afraid to speak my mind. I’ve never been afraid to say how different I am.

I grew up vegan before it was cool = different.

I’m an extrovert writer = different.

I enjoy being a girly tomboy = different.

I love the city just as much as the country, and believe I can live in both at the same time = different.

I love cutthroat gory horror movies and books just as much as calm British romances = different (anyone who likes Pride and Prejudice and Zombies would get me! lol)

I’m a feminist/conservative/pro-life/love everyone person who HATES politics = kinda different.

I could continue, but I think you get the idea.

It sounds like I don’t care what people think, right? If you think that, then I must sadly correct you. I’m consumed with being a people pleaser, I always have been.

Surprised? You shouldn’t be. I’m tormented by this affliction! Believe it, or not, I’ve changed life events, sacrificed my desires, and manipulated my view-points to conform to what I believed people wanted from me.

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Because of this, I hit a life crisis at 30. I had no idea who I was or who I was meant to be! I’m sure I’m not the only one either.

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How often do you stop yourself from making a decision until you’ve talked about it with 1 – 20 people? The number of people you ask depends on how important the decision is. (i.e. What to wear on a date = 1 to 3 people. Should I change my hair style = 5 to 10 people. I’m thinking of becoming an actress, is this a good idea = 10 to 100 people) How often do you change said decision based on the responses you get? If it’s more than twice, then you just might be a people pleaser too.

It’s good to get advice. Especially if it’s from someone with experience on the subject. But we should weigh even these words with our own desires. Advice should challenge you to be better, not change the foundation of who you are to conform to what someone else thinks you should be.

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All this is to back up the importance of my revelation. The message God has been hammering into my head from the day I dressed and danced like Fred Astaire to a Carmen song, at the age of 7, while my sister played Ginger Rogers, in front of company we hardly knew, until this very moment: stop using “I’m weird” as an excuse if people don’t like you. Instead, DESIRE to be weird.

When you search the definition of weird in BING, the noun definition is “a person’s destiny.” It is our destiny to stand out, go against the flow, be different, be YOU!

God gave me an idea for a new novel back in late March of this year. The theme is this message. (It is better to be unique, then all the same) At first I was excited about it. The story is something unlike anything I’ve ever written or even heard about. But after I wrote the first 2 chapters, I became afraid of the backlash I might receive from the details coming out. What would people think? Is this too far left for my Christian friends? Is this too far right for my liberal friends? Would it be impossible to get published? Can this HUGE book even be coherently achieved??

I let these questions stop the ideas flowing, and left my book stale for months. Until last week. Until I realized my desire for the impossible.

No breakthrough in history happened from people playing it safe. We remember Picasso because he invent Cubism, not because he continued to paint realism like his art school taught him. We remember Thomas Edison because he invented the light bulb on the 2,001st try, not because he believed the society calling it impossible. All through school we desire to be “normal” and “fit in,” but do we remember anyone who was just normal, or do we instead recall the nerds, weirdos, and those who actually did something with themselves?

I don’t know if my novels will ever be read by the masses. I don’t know if this new novel will change the world as we know it. But, dang it, I’m going to be weird and try!!!

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